User talk:Werepizzapiepengohamsterguy
Alliescollide >:3 (talk) 12:31, October 27, 2013 (UTC) Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the User:Werepizzapiepengohamsterguy page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Look at what our editors have written at the User Submissions page. If you upload OC (Original Content, or something that you wrote instead of found on the Internet), be sure to tag it with the Category:OC category AND add it to the User Submissions page. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! LOLSKELETONS (talk) 12:33, October 27, 2013 (UTC) RE: Hello, Your pasta was deleted because it wasn't up to our standards. It may have been too cliché, too vague, or otherwise too poorly-written to be deemed admissible, and was thus rejected. Apologies for the inconvenience. Feel free to make a case in Deletion Appeal if you feel this isn't the case. LOLSKELETONS (talk) 13:26, October 27, 2013 (UTC) Story Help Hey, Based mostly on the one story I read (The Impossible House), your grammar doesn't seem too bad. The real problem was run-on sentences. Don't say "We were playing in the field and we went down to the lake, we ate sandwiches, we were just playing, eating and joking." (Not a direct quote, I know). Instead, break it up into multiple sentences: We were playing in the field. Then, we went down to the lake. After that, we ate sandwiches. We were just playing, eating and joking. Also, you don't need to start a new paragraph after every sentence. Start a new paragraph if there's a new speaker. So: "Hey, Dave," said Carl. "Hey, Carl," said Dave. Not:"Hey, Dave, said Carl." "Hey, Carl," said Dave. Other than that, just group a few sentences together. Four or five is usually a good amount, but you can do more or less. If it's a lot of short sentences, you can do more. Really, just start a new paragraph when it feels right or when you're going on to a new idea.. All the sentences about playing in the field could be one paragraph. Then, the leaf stuff could be another. And I'm not saying that you can never have single sentence paragraphs, sometimes they're good for impact. This style guide is really, really handed for most grammar issues: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:Style_Guide_for_Writing On the storytelling angle, the big problem was lack of detail. You're describing some cool things, but we can't see them. Show us what the universe being devoured by darkness looks like. That sounds really interesting and I wanted to know more about it. Give us more of a sense of how dangerous the fast moving water is. Show us how frightening the house is. Just saying there's a skeleton doesn't do it. Because it's like just reading the word "skeleton." The more you do to create an image, the better your story is. Without details the story doesn't do anything. It just lays there. You need to get your reader involved in the story. Draw them in with descriptive images. This is one of the hardest things to do in writing, so don't be discouraged if it takes time to get down. Also, let us know how the characters are feeling. Awhile back I wrote a blog with some writing advice. Some of it might be helpful: User blog:ImGonnaBeThatGuy/Unsolicited Writing Advice! I know this is all kind of vague. Writing is one of those things that's hard to teach. You get better through lots of practice, constructive criticism and reading. Unfortunately, this isn't the best place for constructive criticism. Comments aren't actively moderated, you might never get a comment on your story and, unfortunately, LOLSKELETONS is so busy he doesn't have time to give a complete analysis to every one's story. Again, you might want to consider http://www.terrortortellini.com/ . They're moderated and every story has an individual thread so it will get noticed. I hope this was at least somewhat helpful. Keep practicing and don't be discouraged by criticism. I know sometimes it doesn't feel good, but if what they're saying sounds true it might be good advice. WArning You have no authority to remove a thread made by an Administrator. Don't do that again. [[File:Firma.png]] (talk) 15:13, November 17, 2013 (UTC) Ban You did it again. Ergo, you're banned for two days [[File:Firma.png]] (talk) 16:59, November 18, 2013 (UTC)